“I want more freedom” isn’t a strategy. It’s a wish that gets swallowed up by a 40-hour work week you never even wanted. In part two of this mini-series, Lori turns vague desires into boundaries specific enough to actually build a calendar around.
Act doesn’t mean go do something, not yet anyway. It means get specific. Using her own example, trading garden time for a protected weekly afternoon with her 93-year-old mother, Lori walks through the simple sentence structure that turns a vague want into a non-negotiable boundary, plus how to name the real trade-off behind it and define exactly how you’ll know when you have it.
This is part two of the three-part What Do You Really Want mini-series. If you haven’t listened to part one (Embrace) or grabbed the workbook yet, start there, this episode builds directly on what you wrote in it.
3 Main Takeaways:
- Vague wants stay wishes. Specificity is what makes them buildable. “I want more freedom” doesn’t tell you what to protect on a calendar. Getting specific is the actual work of this step, not a delay before the real work starts.
- The fix is one sentence: “I want blank, so that blank.” Fill in both blanks until it’s concrete enough to see, hear, and feel, not just the outcome, but what having it actually looks like day to day.
- Name the trade-off next to the benefit, and define how you’ll know you have it. Every real want costs you something else. Naming both, and picking something measurable instead of “more balance,” is what keeps the boundary from quietly dissolving.
This Week’s Action:
Work through pages 3 through 5 of the workbook. Write your “so that” sentence and make it real, paint the picture in detail. Name the trade-off and the benefit. Decide exactly how you’ll know when you have it, and get specific about when, where, and with whom.
Resources Mentioned:
- The What Do You Really Want workbook: themidlifebusinessacademy.com/whatdoyouwant
- Part 1 of this mini-series: Episode 353 (Embrace)
- Referenced episode: 348 (where this mini-series was first promised)
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Chapters and Transcript
Chapter titles
- Why Vague Goals Keep You Stuck
- Step Two Is Act: Getting Specific
- My Example: Garden Time vs. Mom Time
- The “So That” Tool
- Paint the Picture
- Naming the Trade-off and the Benefit
- How Will You Know When You Have It?
- When, Where, and With Whom
- Your Assignment Before Next Episode
Why Vague Goals Keep You Stuck
Getting specific is the action. Let me say that again: getting specific is the action. Most of us stay stuck because our goals are way too vague. “I want more freedom” isn’t a strategy. It’s a wish that gets swallowed up by a 40-hour work week you never even wanted. Today, in part two of our mini-series, we’re turning vague desires into crystal clear boundaries you can actually build a calendar around. So let’s get started.
Getting specific is the action.
I’m Lori Lyons, and welcome to the Midlife Business Academy. If you’ve ever felt like your business is running your life instead of supporting it, you’re in the right place. Around here, I believe a dream business isn’t measured by its size. It’s measured by the freedom and the life it makes possible.
Step Two Is Act: Getting Specific
So we are in a little mini-series that I promised you back in episode 348. Today we’re talking about act. Our first episode was about embrace, you named what you don’t want and what you do want, unedited, with the rule of three. Remember, no cleaning it up. If you skipped that, go back and do it before this episode, because everything today builds directly on what you wrote there.
So today is step two, act. And I want to clear something up people usually assume about that word. Act doesn’t mean go do something, or at least not yet. Act means get specific. Specificity is the action. It’s the thing that actually moves a vague want into something you can build toward.
If you haven’t grabbed the workbook yet, it’s at themidlifebusinessacademy.com/whatdoyouwant. Today, we’re working through pages three, four, and five.
My Example: Garden Time vs. Mom Time
So in the last episode, I told you what I wanted was more time in my garden. And what I didn’t want was haphazard time, 20 minutes of stolen time between calls, guilty all the time. But when I actually got more specific, garden time wasn’t even the most important thing underneath all of that. When I started writing down what I do want and what I don’t want, what I wanted was more time with my mother, who’s 93. That one mattered more, honestly, because at this season of her life and mine, that time isn’t something I get to push to someday.
So I didn’t just decide I want more time and leave it vague. I got very specific with two separate blocks of time. Fridays are completely off, it’s for the garden, it’s for me. If I want to go thrift shopping, if I want to go chase down Facebook Marketplace finds, I have all day to do that, and it’s not on a weekend. A separate afternoon is especially for my mom and me, not folded into the Friday. It’s its own protected block unless I want it to be, because both matter. Neither one gets to quietly disappear into the other.
And here’s the bigger shift underneath both of those for me: I no longer feel like I need to work a 40-hour work week. We grew up thinking a 40-hour work week was the gold star, we feel guilty if we’re not working 40 hours a week. How many of us feel that way? That’s not my dream business. I built this business to have room for my mother and for my garden, not to prove I could keep a full-time schedule I never wanted in the first place.
The “So That” Tool
Now, let me give you a simple tool for turning vague wants into non-negotiable boundaries. Finish the sentence: I want blank, so that blank. “I want more garden time” is vague. “I want Fridays completely off so that I can get dirty and sweaty playing in the dirt as much as I want without worrying about how I look for my next client call,” that’s specific enough to actually build a calendar around.
And for my mother: “I want a protected afternoon each week so that I can actually go spend unhurried time with her at 93, instead of squeezing in a visit between calls, feeling like I was only half there, worrying about checking my emails, checking my texts, and all the other things.” That is what made both boundaries non-negotiable for me. It wasn’t about protecting my calendar. It was about protecting what the calendar was for.
Paint the Picture
Once you have your “so that,” go further. What does it actually look like, sound like, feel like? For the garden, it’s quiet, it’s dirt under my nails. For time with my mother, it’s actually being present, not glancing at my phone, wondering if I’m missing something. The more specific the picture, the easier it is to notice when your actual life matches it, or when it doesn’t.
Naming the Trade-off and the Benefit
So the question in the workbook asks you to name the real benefit, and it also asks you to be honest about the trade-offs. Blocking off Fridays and a weekly mom-time afternoon didn’t just hand me those hours. It also meant giving up the 40-hour workweek I used to think I was supposed to be working, in some cases 60 hours, and being completely fine with that.
The side benefit is real too, and it’s worth naming out loud. The garden generally lowers my stress at a season of life where stress doesn’t automatically go down on its own. That’s not indulgence, that’s self-care, that’s maintenance. Getting what you want almost always costs you something else, but it also gives you something you actually need. So name both.
How Will You Know When You Have It?
So how will you know when you have it? This is where a lot of goals fail us, because nobody ever defined what having it actually looks like. You remember, “oh, we can have it all,” well, what does that look like? For me, it was simple. Did I actually see my mother this week, unhurried, in her own dedicated afternoon? Did I spend real time in the garden? That’s measurable. “I want more balance” is not measurable. Pick something you can actually check and quantify.
When, Where, and With Whom
So the question is when, where, and with whom. This one’s worth sitting with, because it’s easy to answer on autopilot. When do you actually want this? Is there a real timeframe, or has it been someday for years? Where does it happen, and does your current life even make room for that place? Who’s actually a part of it?
For me, the with whom wasn’t abstract at all. It was my mother, specifically at 93, which is exactly why someday wasn’t good enough anymore, and exactly why she’s getting her own dedicated afternoon instead of sharing it with anything else.
Your Assignment Before Next Episode
So before the next episode, I want you to work through pages 3 through 5. Write your “so that” sentence, and make it real. Paint the picture, put real detail in it. Name the trade-off and name the benefit. Decide exactly how you’ll know when you’ll have it, and get specific about where, when, and with whom you’re doing it. Because getting specific is the action. It’s the difference between wanting something and actually building toward it.
Grab the What Do You Really Want workbook, the link is in the show notes if you haven’t already. In the next episode, we’re going to close out this mini-series with the momentum step: clearing the path and taking the next step. I’m Lori Lyons, and remember, it’s never too late to build the business of your dreams. We’ll see you next time.